Well, at least I’m not exhausted, Akiko thought as she surveyed the pile of work on her desk on Monday morning. She had slept well on Saturday night, and, after failing to get into the office on Sunday, had spent part of the day at the shrine, but most of it catching up on more sleep. The pile of remaining work was still very intimidating, however, which was why she had come in early.

Nevertheless, Mr Kanayama was there ahead of her.

“Ah, Ms Tanahata, could you come into my office for a moment?”

“Of course, sir.” She put the file she’d been inspecting back on the pile on her desk and went to his office, wondering what he wanted.

“Please close the door behind you.” Mr Kanayama was standing behind his desk, looking down at it. Akiko pushed the door to, suddenly very nervous. This wasn’t looking good.

Mr Kanayama took a deep breath, and looked up at her.

“You still haven’t finished the work you were given on Friday, have you.”

“No, sir.” Akiko felt that she had to justify herself more than that, even though the amount she had received on Friday was obviously more than could be done in one day. “I did come in during the weekend, but there were problems with the computers, and I couldn’t get it finished.”

“No-one else reported computer problems this weekend. And Tanaka says that you left the office around ten, and didn’t come back.”

“Yes, but my computer crashed. I couldn’t get anything else done.”

“Really?” Mr Kanayama sounded sceptical.

“I’ll show you.” Akiko remembered that the disk had been corrupted, with none of her files opening. That should convince him.

“Very well.”

With Mr Kanayama standing over her, Akiko started up the computer and clicked on a file to open it. The program started up, and the file appeared, with no sign of any problems. Akiko stared at it, disbelieving. None of the files had opened, she was sure of it.

“It seems to be working perfectly well now,” Mr Kanayama observed from behind her.

“Er… yes.” Akiko wasn’t sure what to say, or think. “It wasn’t working on Saturday.”

“Maybe. I think we should go back to my office.” He didn’t wait for her to say anything, and Akiko got up to follow him with dread heavy in the pit of her stomach.

She closed the door to the office without waiting to be told, and stood in front of his desk as he fiddled with some of the papers on it. Finally, he cleared his throat and looked up at her again.

“Your work has been below par for some time, Ms Tanahata. Particularly so in the last few weeks. I was hoping that you would be able to turn things around, and I gave you several opportunities to do so. But the graphs you gave me for the meeting still contained errors, errors that may have cost us a contract.” Akiko opened her mouth to protest her innocence; she was sure that the graphs had been correct. She’d checked them many times. But Mr Kanayama immediately interrupted.

“Don’t try to justify it. The simple fact is that you are not up to this job.” He dropped his eyes back to the desk. “I’m afraid that I have no choice but to let you go. Collect your things from your desk on your way out.”

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For a moment Akiko could say nothing from the shock, her mouth dry as she felt waves of heat, followed by chills, flow through her. She couldn’t have actually been fired, surely?

“I’m sorry?” It sounded lame even in her ears. Mr Kanayama cleared his throat again.

“You’re fired, Ms Tanahata. Please collect your personal possessions, and then leave the office.” He was still looking at the desk, refusing to meet her eyes.

“What for? What have I done?” As she said it, an edge of anger crept into her voice, even as it settled into her mind. It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t done anything unethical.

“As I said, you are clearly not up to this job. I’m afraid that I cannot justify continuing to employ you.”

“What, unlike Megumi? She’s constantly late preparing things, forgets half of what anyone asks her, and hasn’t managed a project without a mistake while I’ve been here. Why isn’t she being sacked?”

“This isn’t about Ms Ito, it’s about you, Ms Tanahata.”

“It’s because of her father, isn’t it. I don’t have a rich father you daren’t offend, so you are happy to sack me when you need some sort of scapegoat.” Even as she said it, Akiko felt her anger taking over. A small part of her mind was warning her to be careful, but she didn’t listen to, didn’t want to listen to it.

Mr Kanayama had flushed, and now he did look up.

“Don’t insult my integrity, Ms Tanahata. How can you even suggest that I would fire you for anything less than a good reason? Or that my attitudes to Ms Ito are influenced by who her father is?”

“Maybe you’re screwing her, then.” The small part of Akiko’s mind winced as she said that.

“How dare you!” Mr Kanayama almost shouted the words, his face now bright red. “I was obviously right to fire you before your attitude could cause the company even more problems. Now, are you going to leave by yourself, or do I have to call security and have you escorted out?”

Akiko drew breath for a stinging retort, but suddenly realised that she had nothing to say. Nothing that would make a difference, anyway. Nothing that was worth wasting energy on. She let the breath out again, slowly, and then nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to make any polite noises, and simply turned her back on her boss. Former boss, she reminded herself, as she let herself out of the office.

She pulled her personal property out of her desk, piling it on her chair as she looked around for something to put it in. Satomi arrived before she had finished, and Akiko avoided her co-worker’s eyes, continuing with the job as if there was no-one there. She knew Satomi was looking at her, but the other woman didn’t try to say anything as Akiko picked up her things and left, and Akiko was almost grateful enough to turn back and say good bye. Almost, but not quite.

At the lifts, Megumi was just coming out.

“Akiko, where are you going?”

Akiko managed to bite back her response, letting the lift doors close behind her, hiding her from Megumi and anyone else in the office.

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Akiko replayed the conversation with Mr Kanayama over and over in the train on her way home. Every time she came up with better responses, either to convince him that he was lowly scum and that she didn’t want their stupid job anyway, or that he was making the biggest mistake in the company’s history, so that he grovelled to her to accept his apologies and take the job back. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn’t.

When she got off the train, however, her mood flipped to despair. She couldn’t even keep a job as an office worker. What was she going to tell Naoyuki? What was she going to tell her mother? What must Satomi think of her now? And Megumi: Megumi would probably be gloating, blaming everything on Akiko’s failure to buy new Louis Vuitton bags every three months. Thinking about Megumi helped switch her mood back to anger. It was absurd to think that she was a worse worker than Megumi, and utterly inconceivable that she deserved to be sacked while Megumi didn’t. Akiko started speculating darkly about affairs between Megumi and Mr Kanayama, or conspiracies to ruin her life stretching up through the company.

That reminded her of the other influence that had played a role. Tamao. What did the kami want? He had made it impossible for her to work properly, interfering with the computer and, she was suddenly sure, with the files and print-outs, making her lose her job. He’d rather have her picking litter up in the shrine grounds. Maybe he was also behind the affair between Megumi and Mr Kanayama. That would make sense; she couldn’t see any other reason why those two might get together. Well, she could understand Mr Kanayama lusting after Megumi, but he was hardly a prize physical specimen, and Megumi hardly needed to go gold digging. And if she did, she’d set her sights rather higher than the manager of such a small company. Yes, the kami definitely had to be involved.

Satisfied with the conspiracy, she started thinking about ways to expose it in the press, bringing the whole company down in scandal as crowds picketed the shrine over the kami’s destruction of her life.

Of course, that was impossible. No-one would believe her about the kami. Not even the priest at the shrine believed her about the kami. Naoyuki would dump her for sure if she blamed it on the kami. She felt tears pricking at her eyes as her mood swung back to despair, and had to stop on a street corner and take a deep breath to steady herself. She looked down at her clothes, her work uniform, and the tears threatened again. Get home and get changed, she told herself. You’ll feel better then.

She walked up the stairs to her flat, and realised something was wrong as she reached the door. There were boxes and cases piled round the door, things she recognised, her things. On the door was a note, addressed to her.

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Ms Tanahata,

I warned you several times about noise in the flat and damage to the property. This situation is completely unacceptable, and you are hereby evicted, effective immediately.

Ota

Akiko read the note several times, not believing it. Noise? Damage? She couldn’t remember any noise or damage. She put her key into the lock, but it wouldn’t turn. Looking around the landing, she realised that all her property had been taken out, and now sat around her. She felt numb, a conviction that this must be another dream, another unsubtle message from the kami to get her to do what he wanted, taking hold of her mind. She looked around, staring at the boxes and cases without really seeing them, waiting to wake up.

It started to rain, a few drops falling on the items nearest the edge of the landing. For a moment, she did nothing, but as the rain got heavier she started picking up the boxes and bags, moving them closer to the wall. As she moved her spare work uniform, something broke inside her.

This wasn’t a dream.

She tried to blink back the tears, but they were coming too fast. She took a deep breath, but it shuddered and turned into a sob as she let it out again. Standing, she shook her head, determined to get herself under control. Reaching out, she grabbed the railing, gripping it tightly, so tightly that the edges dug into her palm, holding her breath and blinking rapidly.

She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Her breath came out in a wail, and she crumpled to the floor, sitting staring at her worldly goods as they vanished behind her tears.

What was she going to do now? No job, no home. How could she face anyone? She was homeless. Her future was a tent made of blue sheeting, people ignoring her to her face and mocking behind her back.

The idea of suicide briefly crossed her mind, as she imagined jumping in front of the train she used to catch to work, but she angrily rejected it. The kami wasn’t going to beat her that easily.

Naoyuki. She could call Naoyuki. It would be easy for her to stay away from the shrine now that the kami had destroyed her life. She could stay with him. She was sure that would be OK.

Fumbling, dropping it twice, she got her cell phone out of her bag, and called him. His phone rang and rang, but she was put through to the answering service before he picked up. She hung up and dialled again. And again. And again. The fifth time, she left a message.

“Naoyuki! I need to talk to you! Call me back! Come and see me!” She was wailing and sobbing as she said it, not sure that he would understand, and as the service beeped to tell her that the message was over she dropped her phone, still crying, and reached out for one of the bags.

As she did so, she caught a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of her eye, something half-hidden behind her bags, something entirely the wrong shape to be a person.

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When she turned to look, at first she thought there was nothing there. It was hard to see through the tears anyway, and she wiped her eyes, drawing shuddering breaths as she tried to keep herself calm and her vision clear.

There was another flicker of motion, just off to the side, and this time when she looked she could still see something, a dark shape, the colour of rotten fruit, and then it vanished, dropping behind her bags.

Fear overwhelmed despair, driving her to her feet and clearing her eyes in a moment. Standing, she could see the creature, dark as decay, something twisted and warped that might once have been a lizard, and as it turned what must be its head towards her, she was assaulted by the sweet stench of rotting oranges. It didn’t seem to have any eyes, or mouth, but somehow she sensed that it was looking at her, assessing her, and she backed away without thinking until the railing touched her from behind.

Something brushed against her arm, something wet and slimy, instantly soaking the sleeve of her blouse with a stinking wetness that stung against her skin, and she jumped sideways, flicking her head round to look at the shape, the vivid green of pus from an infected wound, that jumped from the railing to land among her clothes and burrow into them.

She screamed.

At the sound, the shapes appeared from among the bags, apparently looking at her. The black lizard was climbing on top of her suitcase, while the pus-coloured creature, which resembled a rat, poked its nose out from behind a box of cosmetics. A charred bird with eyes the shifting colour of chemical fires pulled itself up by its wings from behind her television, and opened its beak to breath a cloud of ash in her direction.

Akiko screamed again.

The creatures hardly responded, merely continuing to stare at her. Her breath was coming in ever-shorter gasps as her panic rose. What were they? What did they want with her? She wondered if they were anything to do with the kami. Could they be his servants? Or guards? Or assassins?

That last thought sent a deep chill through her. Was the kami not happy with ruining her life, and set on taking it as well?

That didn’t make sense, though. She always felt better at the shrine. And these things didn’t seem anything like Tamao. They were still watching her, but they were making no move to approach. Akiko felt as though the patch of slime on her sleeve was spreading over her whole body, and she had a desperate desire for a shower. But, of course, her shower was on the other side of a door she could no longer get through.

The realisations crowded in. She had lost her job. She had lost her home. There were monsters sitting on her clothes. She was either mad or being persecuted by a kami.

She couldn’t cope, and, with a wail of fear and despair, she ran from the landing, bolting down the stairs, almost falling, and running from the flats as the rain pounded on her and tears obscured her vision.

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At first, Akiko was just running, but she soon realised that she was running to the shrine. She had no idea why, but she didn’t care. She didn’t have anywhere to go.

She didn’t stop running at the bottom of the steps, climbing them as quickly as she could, her feet slipping repeatedly on the slick, wet surface, but somehow she avoided falling. As she climbed her tears slowed and finally stopped, and she could see clearly by the time she reached the torii.

She paused just outside it, looking into the shrine precincts. The rain was a silver veil here, softening the edges of the shrine building without concealing it, making it seem more of a natural part of the environment. Drops of water collected on the undersides of both of the torii’s crossbeams, sparkling as they dripped to the ground below, a thin curtain of jewels.

Akiko’s panic fell away from her, leaving the anger and despair behind. Ducking her head, she walked through the torii, and towards the water basin. Angry as she was, she couldn’t make herself go before the kami without purification. As she poured the water over her hands, it felt as though the contamination was washed from her body, and as she spat out the water from rinsing her mouth, she felt clean again. She looked, and there was no stain on her sleeve where the thing had touched her, although she was soaking wet.

Shivering a little, she hurried to the shrine, and rang the bell before bowing, clapping, and bowing once more. Then she just stood there for long moments, looking into the shrine, her emotions churning. She wanted the kami to appear so that she could shout at him, but there was no sign of the snake. She decided to shout at him anyway.

“Tamao! What do you want with me? Why did you want to wreck my life? Do you even care? Do you even know what you have done? Is it just a game to you, sending dreams to people, interfering with their work, wrecking their homes? I thought kami were supposed to protect the places where they were, not destroy people. What have I ever done to you? I even picked up the litter. I cleaned your shrine for you, and all you did was threaten me! You have no gratitude. I hate you!”

She finished on a scream, breathing heavily, with an uncomfortable feeling that she was being childish, and that she had not been fierce enough, that Tamao still didn’t understand her problems.

She remained standing, looking into the shrine, sure that the kami would appear to berate her, or that there would be some kind of curse, but there was nothing. Just the drip of the water from the eaves, the flickering lights in the depths of the shrine, and the smell of wet earth.

She heard someone climbing the steps behind her and turned to see Mr Takenaka, his face grim. He nodded to her.

“You’re right, you know. This shrine is cursed.”

Akiko was looking beyond him, to the figure who had just appeared at the torii.

Naoyuki.

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Naoyuki, standing under his umbrella, made no move to approach, and Akiko’s stomach knotted with dread. Why did he have to find her here? Why had he come here? She knew he had seen her, so why didn’t he come closer?

It felt like she stood looking at him for hours, but it couldn’t even have been a minute. She was vaguely aware of Mr Takenaka standing next to her, but he said nothing, and didn’t even move to pay his respects to the kami. The wet path to the torii glistened, and Akiko realised that she would have to go to talk to Naoyuki.

She walked down the stairs of the shrine and along the path, each step more difficult than the last. She was sure she knew what Naoyuki was going to say, and she didn’t want to hear it; didn’t want to lose him as well, not today, at least not today.

He hardly moved, standing just outside the torii, his umbrella over his head and his shoulders hunched against the rain. Akiko stopped just inside, looking at him through the gate.

She could find no words.

“You called me.” Naoyuki almost spat the words out, as if it hurt his tongue to say them. He paused, then, for a long time, and took a deep breath before continuing.

“You called me five times, begged me for help. You didn’t answer when I called, so I came looking for you. I found your cell phone with all your other things outside your flat. I was worried.” He paused again, breathing heavily.

“But you’re here.” Anger was clear in his voice now, and Akiko didn’t know what to say. He had come to find her. He had been worried. But now…

“How could you come here, after what I said?” Naoyuki’s voice was getting louder, building up to a shout, and Akiko felt herself beginning to cry. “Do you think that the kami might help you? Are you really that naive? That deluded? I thought I understood you, Akiko, I really did. But this… I can’t understand this. Can you explain it?”

“I think the kami did this.” Akiko said it without really thinking. She had nothing to lose now. Nothing at all.

“What?” Naoyuki was incredulous.

“I think the kami cursed me. He…”

“‘He’?” Naoyuki interrupted, angry incredulity clear in his tone.

“He interfered with my work so that my boss fired me,” Akiko continued, ignoring Naoyuki’s question, “and he did something at my flat so that my landlord evicted me. And then he sent monsters to the flat to scare me away and drive me here, and…” She paused for a moment. “Why did you come here?”

“You weren’t with your things, and I thought you might have come here.” Naoyuki flushed a little as he said it, and it didn’t make much sense to Akiko. They hadn’t talked so much about the shrine that it was the obvious place for her to go, particularly not in the rain. Why hadn’t he tried the coffee shops first? The answer was obvious to her.

“And the kami made you come to the shrine. He wanted you to see me here. He wanted to wreck our relationship.”

“You’re mad, Akiko. There are no kami. And you can’t blame them for your faults. If anything’s wrecking our relationship, it’s your obsession with this shrine, not the fact that I happen to be here now.”

“Why can’t you just accept what I tell you?” Akiko wailed, desperate for someone to understand.

“It’s insane. You’re talking rubbish. How could I accept that?” Naoyuki’s face was red now, and his voice was getting hoarse from yelling. “You’ve let me down badly, Akiko. I thought I could trust you. I thought you were a good person.”

“I am.” Akiko insisted, through tears that made Naoyuki blur and shimmer in front of her.

“You are not. I don’t know what you are. I don’t know how you can think as you do. I don’t know you anymore.” Naoyuki was shouting at the top of his voice, and he stopped, looking upwards and drawing a shuddering breath. Akiko tried to appeal to him, but she couldn’t get her mouth to form words. Naoyuki looked down, straight at her, and Akiko hurriedly brushed tears from her eyes, determined to meet his gaze.

“Akiko, it’s over. I can’t see you any more. Ever again. Don’t try to call me.”

“Naoyuki!” He turned his back on her without another word, and started walking down the steps. Akiko crumpled to the ground, and the sobs came again. The stone was cold under her hands, and the rain had soaked through her jacket, leaving her cold to the skin. Her wet hair fell forward around her face, water running down the matted strands to pool in front of her, mixing with her tears in tiny puddles whose dancing surfaces reflected her face in a thousand fragments, fragments of her life, fragments of what she once was.

Someone placed a coat over her shoulders, but they didn’t say anything, and Akiko didn’t look up to see who it was. She cried into the rain, crying for her lost life, her lost future. And crying because she had nowhere to go, nothing to do. She had been driven out of society. She sobbed until her throat was raw and her eyes swollen, and then slowly quietened down.

“Ms Tanahata?”

It was Shiraishi. Akiko wondered how much the priest had heard, and whether she was going to accuse her of being mad once more. She said nothing.

“Ms Tanahata?”

Her tone wasn’t accusing. Taking a shuddering breath, Akiko looked up. Shiraishi was holding a large umbrella over both of them, and looking down at her with concern. Akiko looked around. Naoyuki was long gone, but there was no sign of Mr Takenaka, either. He must have slipped out while she was crying.

Someone else who thinks I’m mad, she reflected, bitterly.

“Ms Tanahata?” The priest hadn’t given up yet. “Won’t you come inside and dry off.”

Akiko looked back up at her, and slowly began to get to her feet.

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