After the Feast

18th December 1225

Achilles insisted on his conjugal rights last night. He is old, and creaky, and inconsiderate, and I don't think I ever want to see him again. I must think of a way to get a message to magus Constantine. He will understand.

20th December 1225

Achilles is being utterly impossible. Sometimes he refuses to speak to me, other times he demands that I drop everything and do as he asks, yet again he shouts at me, as if that will do anything. And then in the evening he expects me to welcome him enthusiastically into my bed, creaky joints and all. He really should grow up and act a bit more like a lord of the manor. I told him so, but he only shouted at me. I really need to talk to Constantine about this. Only he really understands me.

21st December 1225

I wrote Constantine a note, in Latin, and sent Heodez with it. I told her to say that she had been sent to the tower to ask Galienne to see me, and I do want to talk to magus Speculor's servant. She might be able to help me, and, after all, she already knows a lot about what happened.

22nd December 1225

No reply from Constantine. Saw Galienne, but she said she wasn't allowed to talk about it. Something about magus Speculor telling her to keep quiet. I should have thought she could talk to me! I would go and tell magus Speculor to let her talk to me, but I don't think it would be appropriate to disturb him for such a thing.

23rd December 1225

No reply from Constantine.

24th December 1225

No reply from Constantine. Maybe that Maud stole it. I will see him tonight at Mass.

25th December 1225

Disaster! Constantine refused to speak to me at Mass, but I thought that was just because it was in church. Everyone knows how pious he is. But today, at the Christmas feast, he all but ignored me! Why the sudden change in attitude?

It must have been my note. I knew I shouldn't have written in Latin. Obviously, he doesn't want to have anything to do with someone whose Latin is so poor. I'm sure there must have been lots of mistakes, and the words I used probably weren't very educated. That's it. He's not speaking to me because he thinks I'm ignorant.

I must get Achilles to find me a tutor. If my Latin gets better, and I study more about the mysteries of the world, then magus Constantine will be happy to talk to me. I suppose the young, silly wife of a minor lord is quite beneath the notice of a powerful magus. After all, he thought I was some sort of faerie at the Midwinter Feast. He doesn't think I'm good enough for him. Well, I'll show him.

26th December 1225

I've spoken to Achilles about getting me a tutor. He said that my father had already done enough damage that way, and he didn't intend to repeat the mistake. I left him, maintaining a haughty silence as I returned to my chamber. I am sure that I can bring Achilles round if I try hard enough.

11th January 1225

Achilles seems to be softening. He asked today if I would stop asking about a tutor if he obtained one, and I assured him that I would. Obviously. If I have a tutor, I won't need to ask him about it.

15th January 1225

I think I may be pregnant. I wonder whether this is due to the Midwinter feast?

Oh God, please don't let it be a puppy...

21st January 1225

I saw Constantine in church today. He was praying, and wearing no shoes or cloak. I thought he looked very cold, so I sent Heodez to him with one of Achilles's cloaks. Constantine wouldn't take it, though, and wouldn't even speak to Heodez. It seems that he is doing some sort of penance. I asked Heodez what she thought it could be for, and she blushed bright red and could hardly stop giggling. I wonder if he has seduced my maid servant? I wouldn't put it past him.

3rd February 1225

I am definitely pregnant. I wonder what Constantine will think? I imagine Achilles will be suitably pleased.

15th February 1225

Achilles has told me that he has written to his contacts about finding me a tutor, and that I should now stop 'whining'. I never whine!